Parenting Isn't for Everyone
by zenkat11
Summary: *Contains spoilers for s3* On the steps of the Museum of Mostly Natural History sat a child, left all alone. It seemed to be another normal, uneventful day for Monsieur Papierwaite, however, upon finding this child his life has changed forever. Papierwaite doesn't seem the type anyone would trust with a child, though stranger things have happened in the Sam and Max universe.
1. Chapter 1: No Other Choice

**Chapter One: No Other Choice**

Monsieur Papierwaite leaned back in his office chair and sighed. It was the end of a very long and anticlimactic day, and not one person had visited his museum! Which has some of the finest collections in the world. Honestly, people are so uncultured these days. Well, at least things were quiet enough for him to work...

"Your museum has been empty for the third time this week, honestly… I don't understand why you thought it would be profitable working as a curator." Pointed out a voice that was all too familiar. "Perhaps you should try investing in some sort of advertisement, grab the people's attention somehow?"  
Papierwaite rolled his eyes and unbuttoned his shirt, allowing Dr. Norrington to emerge from his chest. "The giant sign is enough my Master, besides… it's not like anyone would care.."

"Where is this attitude coming from, you didn't used to sound so defeated-"

"Yeah well who's fault is that?!" Hissed the sorcerer.

Dr. Norrington tilted his head up to his host, seemingly concerned."...Or… passive-aggressive… Maybe a little time off would be of some help?"

Papierwaite reached for today's newspaper, irritably flicking it outward to straighten it. He ignored what his master had said and concentrated. "You don't even like the sports section! Would you just listen to me for a moment?" Suggested Dr. Norrington, taking his claw and tugging lightly on the newspaper.

"Cease your grabbings!"  
"Ah, and he speaks."

The museum curator grunted and folded the newspaper, setting it down neatly on his desk. "Enough of this, I need some air." Said Papierwaite, almost whining. He got up and stomped toward the door. The elder god exhaled a long sigh and retreated back into his hosts torso. Buttoning his shirt, Papierwaite creaked open his office door. He made a mental note to get the hinges fixed later, although likely, he would forget. Upon exiting his office, he studied the animatron resembling the bone structure of a rather ridiculous creature, known as the Pollosaurous Henway. He didn't understand why he had so little visitors with such fascinating specimens such as this. Perhaps Dr. Norrington was right about advertising, though it's not like he was able to rally a crowd like he used to. Sure, he may still look the same age as the day he tried to summon his master, but in actuality, he was way too old for that. It would be much easier to stick with pamphlets or something. Regaining his train of thought, he stomped toward the museum's front entrance.

"Finally, some peace and quiet." Muttered the sorcerer, leaning back on the door as he closed it. It was a crisp fall evening, the cool air was refreshing to Papierwaite. Quite the contrast to the stuffy, stale atmosphere that was his office. He really should get out more. He rubbed his eyelids with the tips of his fingers; a long day indeed.

Just as he started to drift, a sudden high pitched screech caused his mind to jolt in apprehension. "Cthulhu's wattle! What was that?!" Never in his life had he heard such a noise, whatever it was, it could only mean misfortune for those near. And that was where he was, near. Papierwaite looked down, it was much worse than he had imagined. For what was staring right back at him was…. An infant! The sorcerer scanned the area, no sign of any guardians. They were on their own. Who would have left him this… child?

Papierwaite could handle young children, he could even handle teenagers, barely. But a baby? A drooling… Squealing… Puking machine? He just couldn't. You can't even hold a proper conversation with them, they just sit there, making.. Weird noises. And how unsanitary they were! What was he supposed to do with a baby? But, he couldn't just… Leave them there. That would be unethical. "Um… Hello there… Young one." He picked the child up from the basket they were left in. He wasn't exactly sure of how to hold a child, so he held them at arm's length awkwardly. "I suppose I should take you in, huh?" The baby burbled in response. "I'll… take that as a yes….."

Taking the infant inside, Papierwaite contemplated what he would do with the child. Obviously he couldn't keep them, perhaps he better make a call. Just as he began to walk towards his office door, his ears met the piercing shriek he had heard only a few minutes ago. "Gah! What are you wanting from me?!" Yelped the curator in falsetto. The child's voice softened to a forlorn whimper, making a loose hand gesture toward their mouth.

"You're.. Hungry? Alright.." He huffed. "What do little one's eat?" A light bulb went off in his head, he had the perfect idea! Stepping back into his office, he grabbed a brown paper bag from under his desk, simultaneously setting the child down in his chair. Inside the bag was a simple ham and cheese sandwich with a rather pathetic amount of lettuce thrown in. Along with that, an orange and a container of moist baby carrots. He poured the contents of the lunch he had forgotten to eat onto the surface of his desk. Technically, Papierwaite didn't have the need to consume nutrients, granted he's immortal and all. Though eating made him feel more.. Human. One would think he'd bring less plain foods to savor for this reason, but being a creature of habit, he couldn't help but bring same thing everyday to his work. It was much easier that way. Besides, he had never learned to cook. No wonder he was so frail.

What he needed was a plate, at the very least a paper one. He figured the plastic wrap around his sandwich would have to do. Carefully, he unwrapped the sandwich and placed it atop the brown paper bag. Papierwaite opened the container full of carrots and plopped them onto the plastic wrap.

He looked to his favorite mug, which stood short in comparison to the hefty looking canister full of Earl Grey tea. The mug read "World's Best Curator" in black with the Earth painted a layer underneath it, he had bought it on a whim a few years ago.. And an ego trip. Papierwaite swooped up his precious mug. Using his strength, or rather: lack thereof, he mushed the carrots into a chunky gloop. Then he slopped the orange puree back into the plastic container that previously held its solid counterpart. Now to feed-  
Wait a moment, wouldn't he need a spoon? He sighed and picked up the container, he was going to have to do this the hard way. As Papierwaite turned around, he noticed the child was not in the chair where he had left them. "Where…?" The curator set the container back down and searched around his desk. They weren't there. Under it? Nope. Papierwaite huffed and glanced over to his bookshelf. He didn't notice at first, then he heard laughter, childish laughter.

"Young one?" He called out, expecting an answer. Nothing. Was this infant taunting him? No, that couldn't be it. One of that age didn't have the capacity to understand taunting. Perhaps the sleep deprivation was finally getting to him? Though it's not like he could rest much even if he wanted to. That's the price of having an elder god attached to your torso. Nightmares. Every… Single… Night... Hey, a terrifying monstrocity has got to eat, right?

Papierwaite started to remove the books from his shelf, and one by one he flipped them back frantically. He had finally got to the last shelf when he realised, the baby was not there. He groaned. "Where in the watery realms of R'lyeh are you..?" His eyes widened, he knew where they were.  
The sorcerer crouched down and threw open the cupboard at the bottom of the bookshelf. The child squealed in delight, as if to say "you found me!" Shaking his head, he picked up the child and looked straight at them. "Do not do that again, bad child!"  
"You know…" Said an echoey voice. "They won't understand you.."  
"I can see that now master, thank you for reminding me." Papierwaite set the child down in the chair once more, grabbing the container. "But they have got to learn." He held the container up to the child and brought it toward their mouth. The infant turned their head in protest. Defiance. As if he didn't already have enough to deal with. "I thought you were hungry!"  
"Perhaps you should let me try, I'm rather good with children."  
Papierwaite rolled his eyes. "This is a human child master, they are very much different than what you are used to."

"Babies are all the same if you think about it, you've got to lure them in. Force them to do anything and they make a fuss, I suppose they act rather similar to you in that respect." Dr. Norrington chuckled.

"Stop it with your jokings, I do not act that way!" Hissed the curator.  
"Oh yes you do. Now, unbutton your shirt and allow me to do the work for you." He attempted persuasion.  
And still Papierwaite protested. "You are going to scar the little one, now leave me be, I know what I am doing!" He tried to feed the infant once more, this time holding their head in place. "Stay still." The child wriggled and screeched. "Again with the shriekings, calm yourself at once!"  
With one large chomp, the baby sunk their top and bottom two teeth into Papierwaite's finger. "Owch! What in the..?!" He set down the container and looked at his oozing finger. "You have some sharp teeth…" The child giggled with delight. "Why are you enjoying my pain?!"  
"They are not, you're just bad at parenting. Now let me out already, will you?" Offered Dr. Norrington, trying a more calm approach.  
"No!" Shouted Papierwaite, grabbing a bandaid from in his desk. He had a lot of first aid in there, noting the amount of times he got hurt. Luckily he healed quickly from wounds, it should only take about an hour. "I can't have you frightening them."  
"Papierwaite... look," His master started. "in this debased form I would hardly think so. And even if that were true, I'm sure I would traumatize this child a lot less than you at this rate."  
Papierwaite puffed out his cheeks in annoyance. His master was so overbearing. He wasn't that bad at this… was he? Perhaps he would need some help, but not from Dr. Norrington. The idea was too risky, more of a last resort sort of thing. What was he doing earlier… Going to make a call….? "Just.. leave it for now," He said under his breath, "I have an idea."


	2. Chapter 2: Mayday

_Mayday is a distress signal sent over a radio by ships and aircraft. The word derives from the French "m'aider", meaning "help me"._

 **Chapter Two: Mayday**

Sam and Max heard the telltale clamor of their landline phone. "I've got it! I've got it!" They proclaimed in unison while wrestling for the chance to answer. Placing his palm on Max's forehead, Sam kept the lagomorph at a distance. Max's appendages were far too stubby to reach the phone, so naturally, Sam won their little match. He held the phone up to his ear. "Hello…? Yes. Really? No kidding! No. Absolutely! No. No. No…. Yes. No. Yes! Great galloping jesters with candy cane staves in crochet hats! We're on the case!" Sam slammed the phone down and beamed.  
"What did the commissioner say?" Asked Max, absently picking his pointed teeth with a dart.  
"Apparently we're going back to the Museum of Mostly Natural History, though he didn't specify why.." Sam rubbed his chin, his voice trailing off as he thought.  
"Aw… couldn't we go somewhere actually fun?" Max groaned.  
"Nobody ever said museums were a source of entertainment little buddy. They're more for learning… I think."  
"Learn...ing…." Max scratched his forehead in confusion, "Never heard of it."

"Either way, we've got a case to solve!" Exclaimed Sam, snapping and pointing at nothing in particular.  
Max threw the dart at the dart board, missing the entire thing by an inch. "Lets!" He pointed his finger toward the ceiling, as was typical of him.

"Well here we are that the Museum of Mostly Natural History!" Announced Sam.  
Max rolled his eyes at his partner's obvious statement. "Geez Sam, I can see the building, I'm right here.."  
"Well of course you do knucklehead, but the reader's can't."

"Don't break the fourth wall Sam, we can only afford so many of those.."  
Sam chuckled and fluffed the fur on Max's head, "You crack me up little buddy. Lets go inside and see what's going on."

The freelance police pulled out their guns and kicked open the museum door. "Never fear, the freelance police are here!" Shouted Sam. Max looked up at him, raising an...Erm… Eyebrow? Lack of eyebrow…? Whatever. "Did… you really just say that?"  
The Canine-man shrugged, "I was trying out something new."  
Max wandered over to the End Of the World exhibit on the left-hand side of the museum. He wasn't exactly impressed. Then again, he never was when it came to places like this. The thing was, this version of Max had never been to this museum, and frankly, he was delighted by that fact. It saved him the misery of having to look at these painfully boring exhibits for likely hours on end while Sam did the clue finding. In fact, this version of him had never even met this Pap...er..weight… man before. Was that even his name?  
"Oh thank Yog-Soggoth, you two are here, I've been put in the most difficult of situations!" Interjected a stridulous voice coupled with a hard to place accent. It belonged to a man Sam and Max knew quite well. "You have no idea the struggles I've been through!"  
"What's up P-weight?" Asked Sam. "The commissioner didn't give us any idea what we are dealing with."  
"Yes, as I intended." Corrected Papierwaite, pointing a finger to the ceiling. "You see, I didn't exactly know how to explain over the phone…. It just.. Sort of happened.." Papierwaite seemed more aloof than usual, and he surely wasn't making a grain of sense.  
"Slow down Paintywaist, what's the problem here?" Inquired a very confused Sam. Papierwaite surprisingly didn't say anything about Sam's rather _intentional_ mispronunciation of his name. He was much too distracted. Something really strange was going on..  
"Yeah, spill the beans pal! We want answers!" There Max goes again, as intense as usual. "And you better not waste those beans either, or else!" He aimed his gun at the museum curator, grinning maniacally.  
"You're mixing your metaphors Max." Or would that last part even be considered a metaphor? Sam didn't know.

Papierwaite eyed the lagomorph dubiously, "Right…" He turned his attention back to the second half of the freelance police. "Well… come with me." He said as he gestured for them to follow.

"This…" Max started, " _This_ is why you called? What are we supposed to do with a child?"

The infant sat on Papierwaite's desk, sucking on one of his pens.  
"That is what I said!" Exclaimed Papierwaite rather unnecessarily. He made his way over to his desk hurriedly, removing the pen from the child's mouth. "No no no no no.. No." He shook his head in disapproval. "That is not for eating."

The baby whined. "That is not going to work on me," He reminded them, "And you know it."  
"It's not exactly legal for a civilian to make a false claim to the authorities like this Paperplate." Sam warned, wagging his finger in distaste.  
Papierwaite was outraged by Sam's accusation, even though it was true. "What are you meaning? You two break the law yourselves _all of the time!_ " He emphasized the last part with the appropriate squawking. "Besides, this is an emergency."  
"He does have a point Max, I mean Sam." Max added.

Sam shrugged. "I suppose." He remembered their last case together, where they had to completely demolish an apartment complex using C4 in order to distract one of their suspects, then for Max to say to the man: "hey look at that pretty explosion! Sorry about your home by the way". Thankfully, Sam managed to evacuate everyone from the building first. If the suspect simply gave the freelance police the magic pickle jar, that wouldn't have needed to happen. Sam was pretty sure that would be considered a violation of the law, but how else were they supposed to get it from him? It's not like the guy was gonna give up the thing anytime soon.

Max moved closer to the child, studying them. "So, this thing is causing you trouble? Why don't you just get rid of it?" The infant babbled incoherently, seemingly interested in the lagomorph in front of them. They eagerly grabbed at Max's ears, "Woah woah woah! Hey, cut it out kid!" He shouted, "Hey Paper-dude, can ya get this child's grubby little hands of my fuzzy white ears?!"

Papierwaite snickered. For once he wasn't the object of the young one's shenanigans, which he found quite refreshing. "It's best to do the riding out." He explained, taking seat at his desk.

"You mean _ride it out_?"  
"That is what just I said." Stated Papierwaite arrogantly.

The child brought Max's ears closer to their mouth, droplets of spittle were dripping from it. "Don't you dare." Max warned. The baby looked the lagomorph dead in the face and….

"Gah! No no no no! Get it off!" Max struggled to break free of the infants grip, flailing his arms to and fro. He was unsuccessful.

Sam watched, his hand over his mouth. It was the only way he could keep himself from bursting out in laughter. "Alright kid, let him go. You don't know where Max has been. Or the last time he took a bath." He carefully pulled the child away from his partner, holding them in his arms. "Avid little tyke, ain't he….. she...?" He said, looking down at them.

Papierwaite glanced at the child, then back to him. "I'm not entirely certain."

Sam watched the infant. They looked back with their icey blue eyes. In the background, Max desperately shook off any excess slobber he could as he inched closer to an unsuspecting Papierwaite.

"Their kind of cute actually, once you get past the constant salivating and rambunctious tendencies. In fact, they sort of remind me of you Max."

"What? I am nothing like it!" Protested Max as he casually wiped his ears on Papierwaite's paisley embroidered jacket.

The curator flinched and launched his chair backward in an attempt to get away from the aggressor. The force caused him to topple over backward, his chair falling along with him. "Disgusting!" He yelped. The child turned their head toward the aggravated man on the floor and clapped their hands, giggling in delight.

"Ya know, this kid is starting to grow on me." Max decided.  
"Well they've certainly have a sense of humor." Added Sam.

Papierwaite grumbled in response, he was not amused. He stood up and dusted off his jacket, repositioning the chair upright. "They hate me, and I don't even know why."

"Maybe it's your squawky, bird-like voice?" The lagomorph suggested.

Papierwaite frowned. "I'm choosing to ignore that remarking.."  
Sam began to rock the baby in his arms soothingly. "So, what exactly are you expecting from us?"

"Well uh…" Papierwaite thought for a moment. To be honest, he wasn't really sure. He didn't know what number to dial at first. Knowing Sam and Max, they've dealt with worse, so naturally it made sense at the time to give them a call. Besides, it's not like Papierwaite knew many others to consult, he wasn't exactly a people person. He could probably count the amount of people he could truly confide in on his right hand, and that guy wasn't even human. Papierwaite didn't even know if he trusted Dr. Norrington in his entirety. "H-help me.." His own words left a bad taste in his mouth. Papierwaite normally relied on his own vast knowledge, but for once in his life, he had no idea what he was doing.


	3. Chapter 3: A Major Inconvenience

**Chapter Four: The Birth of Liberty**

" _Let's get you to a hospital -Lincoln." Said Dr. Norrington as Papierwaite began to lead her back to his museum. Papierwaite hoped Sybil would be able to fit in his comically small car, it was only a two seater and the chairs could only adjust so far._

" _Ugh! It's Lincoln-Pandemik." Sybil corrected him._

 _The museum wasn't too far of a walk from there, well, maybe for Papierwaite. "Are we almost there?" Papierwaite whined. He was not, himself, the one giving birth. But of course being his oblivious self, he didn't even consider that._

" _You know the way there better than I do." Sybil reminded him._

" _Do you really think he knows his way around town? He hardly ever leaves his office. The man practically lives there." Interjected Dr. Norrington.  
_ " _I do not!" The curator insisted._

" _Yes you do now quit your griping. You're the one who had the brilliant idea of demanding the freelance police drive you over."_

" _Carpooling saves on gas money!"_

" _Would you two stop fighting already? I am literally about to pop a child out of me and you two are arguing over utter crap!" Sybil shouted. She couldn't wait for this to all be over. Usually Sybil was a much more tolerant person, but with the added factor that she was in labor, who could blame her? Those two certainly weren't helping._

 _Papierwaite stiffened a bit at Sybil's outburst, as understandable as it was. Dr. Norrington was more or less unfazed, he felt sympathy for the poor woman; something Papierwaite could learn a thing or two about. "My apologies Madam. We understand that-"_

 _The elder god was cut off by the hollar of a certain sorcerer, "Look!" They had reached the Museum District, and there stood the Museum of Mostly Natural History. "My car is behind my museum. Honestly I wish there were a better place to park i-"_

" _Oh for the love of me, would you stop prattling on and take her to it!" Dr. Norrington wished Papierwaite wouldn't ramble so often, he swore that man never shut up. Well, unless of course he got nervous in a conversation, but that was a whole other problem._

" _Yes, shutting up my master."_

 _Papierwaite ushered the soon to be mother to his car and opened the passenger door for her. He made sure the seat was far back enough for her to fit. After he helped situate her, he jogged to the other side and got in. The sorcerer turned the key to start the ignition. Nothing happened. He tried again. Still nothing. "Uhhh, there seems to be a bit of a problem with the key or something." Papierwaite didn't really know how cars work._

" _It's not the key blithering fool! Something is wrong with the car. Let me try-"_

" _No. I've got it!" The curator continued fiddling with the keys._

" _Stop messing with it you're going to break something!"_

 _The two fought for awhile until the car's engine emitted a starting noise, then just as suddenly, it stopped. "What in the name of H. P. Lovecraft is wrong with this thing!?" Papierwaite demanded. "I just bought it and already it stopped working!"_

 _Why on today of all days Sybil may never know, all she could do was try to hold on for as long as she needed. Satan will be ice skating in hell before she was going to have a child inside of this ridiculously tiny vehicle._

 _And just like that, the engine started. Interesting timing._

 _Zoom went the car at 80 mph down the streets of Manhattan, Papierwaite avoided as many vehicles as possible._

" _Papierwaite watch out for that old lady!" Dr. Norrington shouted._

 _The sorcerer swerved past the pedestrian on the crosswalk, she shook her fist at them menacingly. Sybil was breathing heavily as Dr. Norrington was trying to keep her calm. "We are almost there -Pandemik, don't fret." He said soothingly. Papierwaite on the other hand could barely keep it together, he was screeching cuss words in French everytime he almost hit someone. And that happened often. "Watch where you're driving hooligan!"_

" _You need to drive more carefully." Insisted the his master. "Maybe I should take the-"_

" _You will take nothing, don't distract me!" Talk about road rage._

 _The ride to the hospital mainly consisted of copious amounts of screaming, from both Sybil and Papierwaite, and too many close calls. Papierwaite wasn't necessarily the best driver in the world, especially in this case. The car screeched to a halt at one of the parking spaces. It wasn't the closest to the hospital entrance, but Papierwaite would be damned if he had to parallel park._

 _The sorcerer needed to conceal Dr. Norrington, he couldn't have any of the staff or Yog Soggoth forbid any of the patients going insane on top of Sybil's situation. When the elder god retreated back into his chest, he buttoned his shirt back up and adjusted his tie._

" _Excuse me." Sybil interrupted. "But while you're making sure your outfit is all nice and neat I'M GOING THROUGH LABOR!"_

" _Ah! Right sorry!" Papierwaite lept out of the vehicle and made his way over to the passenger side. He assisted the pregnant woman out of the car and walked her over to the hospital door. They were met with a nurse who intuitively knew what was going on. "Here let's get you to a room dear." The nurse guided her to a room nearby as Papierwaite followed closely behind. His eyes darted around the area, it was quite busy. But he supposed that made sense for a hospital. He heard mumbling and phones ringing from all over. As they approached the door the nurse took Papierwaite aside. "Lay down on the bed there dear, a doctor is coming!" He hollered to Sybil, he then turned his attention to the curator. "Sir, do you wish to be in there with your wife or remain out here?" He asked._

 _Papierwaite's eye twitched and he swallowed hard. "W-wife?" He asked with a slight quiver in his voice._

 _He tried again. "Sorry, girlfriend?"_

" _No, I'm not, I m-mean… Do I really look like….?" Papierwaite was completely flustered, he wasn't exactly sure how to respond._

" _Uh… yeah. Anyway, are you going to stay out here?"_

" _Just go in already you complete imbecile!" Spoke a voice only Papierwaite could hear. Papierwaite responded to the ominous sounding echo in his head. "Alright I'll go in!" He hissed, glaring at his own chest. The nurse felt very out of the loop._

 _For a moment, the sorcerer had almost forgotten about the nurse in front of him. "I'll just.. Go in." He expressed finally. The nurse held the door open for him, muttering something about how odd Papierwaite seemed._

 _Papierwaite stepped inside only to hear the shrieking sounds of the mother to be. He began to reconsider his choice to enter the room. "Uhh, perhaps this is a bad time?"_

" _Do not walk out that door Papierwaite!" Dr. Norrington warned him internally._

" _Right sorry." He wasn't exactly sure what to do in this type of situation, the curator felt beads of sweat collect on his forehead. He approached the howling woman, nervous that even the smallest attempt to interact would make matters worse. "Do you… need some water..?"_

" _I need to get this child out of me!" Sybil bellowed._

" _Aaaaah! I don't know how to do that!"_

" _You can't, that's the problem!"_

 _Papierwaite wasn't an expert on childbirth, far from in in fact. He needed to find a doctor. He ran to the door and flung it open. Papierwaite was able to spot the nurse he had previously spoken with. Marching his way over, he interrupted the nurse's conversation with a younger looking man, likely an assistant. "I'd hate to bother your oh so intriguing discussion but there is a pregnant woman in there that needs a doctor. So either seek one immediately or you will be facing a serious lawsuit due to your sheer incompetence!" The sorcerer spat. Shocked, the nurse nodded and hurried over to one of the nearest desks, where he asked around for a doctor. Dr. Norrington was surprised, he didn't expect this sort of boldness out of his host. He almost considered complimenting the curator's bravery, almost._

 _Papierwaite made his way back to the room and sat next to Sybil. "A doctor will be here soon. Just uh… keep breathing. Everything is going to be fine." He took her hand and gently squeezed it comfortingly. Allowing himself to show her a small smile. "I promise you that."_

 _Suddenly a woman in a white coat burst through the door, a few nurses stood behind her. "My apologies, there was a woman who needed a heart transplant and-"  
_ " _What are you doing standing there and blabbing? Do your job Doctor!" Papierwaite demanded._

 _The doctor nodded and ran over. "Right, we'll need to get you in a robe first." She turned to the curator. "Sir, you will need to step outside and let us professionals handle this." The nurses were setting up the area frantically._

" _Forget that I'm not leaving her!" He refrained from adding 'with you'. Papierwaite didn't trust these people, it's like they didn't know how to run a hospital. Leaving a woman actively going through labor without a doctor.. What were they, amateurs?_

" _Sir, if you don't leave we will have no choice but to force you out. Your wife will be fine."_

 _Sybil tilted her head toward Papierwaite and gave him a little nod, signaling him that she will be fine. The sorcerer gave a reluctant frown and spun on his heel and stomped out of the room. Just before he closed it, he peeked his head through the doorway. "And for the last time, she is not my wife!" He shouted just before slamming the door._

 _Hours passed. Papierwaite paced back and forth, occasionally jumping a little when Sybil screamed. A few times he yelped along with her, earning some bemused stares. One of the nurses slipped through the door, "Monsieur Papierwaite?"_

 _Papierwaite stopped, turning toward the nurse. "That is me."_

 _She scribbled something on her notepad. "You may come in now, your wi- ….. I mean Sybil has delivered successfully." She opened the door fully and held it for him._

 _As Papierwaite entered, he saw a smiling Sybil cradling her newborn baby. Anxiously, he walked closer and sat beside her._

" _Isn't she precious?" She asked him._

 _Papierwaite looked at the infant as she wriggled in Sybils arms, her pale grey-ish eyelids were closed, though not fully. Just enough for a small sliver of light to pass through. "I suppose some would think so." He wasn't quite sure what to make of the little tyke._

" _She's going to change the world some day, I just know it." Sybil whispered, planting a small kiss on her daughter's forehead._

" _What are you planning on naming her?"_

 _Sybil thought for a moment. Then, her eyes lit up. She had something. "Liberty. Her name will be Liberty." She grinned at Papierwaite. "Do you want to hold her?"_

" _I uh…" The curator wasn't quite sure how to answer. Throughout his whole life, one hundred and fifty years give or take, he had never once come into direct contact with an infant. "I don't think that's a good idea."_

" _Nonsense, here."_

 _Sybil gently placed the baby into Papierwaite's arms. He gazed at the newborn with an expression of mild uncertainty. It took a few minutes, but Liberty slowly began to open her eyes. When she did, a bright bubbly smile swept across her face._

Papierwaite looked down at the infant resting in his arms. She had fallen asleep as Sybil told the story.

"Do you know what that proves?" Sybil asked.

"What?" He inquired, genuinely curious.

"You're a lot more prepared than you think, Anton."


	4. Chapter 4: The Birth of Liberty

**Chapter Four: The Birth of Liberty**

 **Author's Note: Likely I'll be going on hiatus for a while, though depending on how much free-time I have I might be able to crank one more chapter out. Lately I have had a lot of work to do and I have 5 more weeks until graduation, prom is coming up this week, and I'm flying out for a graduation celebration for about 2 or so weeks (it's a big deal so we are doing lots of stuff to celebrate), so yeah, a lot going on. I'm going to try to write whenever I'm available, I'll probably have some time while I'm on the plane. I really want to have some form of consistency for when I upload so it pains me to do this, ack! I promise I am not abandoning this story and I'm really looking forward to continuing it.**

" _Let's get you to a hospital -Lincoln." Said Dr. Norrington as Papierwaite began to lead her back to his museum. Papierwaite hoped Sybil would be able to fit in his comically small car, it was only a two seater and the chairs could only adjust so far._

" _Ugh! It's Lincoln-Pandemik." Sybil corrected him._

 _The museum wasn't too far of a walk from there, well, maybe for Papierwaite. "Are we almost there?" Papierwaite whined. He was not, himself, the one giving birth. But of course being his oblivious self, he didn't even consider that._

" _You know the way there better than I do." Sybil reminded him._

" _Do you really think he knows his way around town? He hardly ever leaves his office. The man practically lives there." Interjected Dr. Norrington.  
_ " _I do not!" The curator insisted._

" _Yes you do now quit your griping. You're the one who had the brilliant idea of demanding the freelance police drive you over."_

" _Carpooling saves on gas money!"_

" _Would you two stop fighting already? I am literally about to pop a child out of me and you two are arguing over utter crap!" Sybil shouted. She couldn't wait for this to all be over. Usually Sybil was a much more tolerant person, but with the added factor that she was in labor, who could blame her? Those two certainly weren't helping._

 _Papierwaite stiffened a bit at Sybil's outburst, as understandable as it was. Dr. Norrington was more or less unfazed, he felt sympathy for the poor woman; something Papierwaite could learn a thing or two about. "My apologies Madam. We understand that-"_

 _The elder god was cut off by the hollar of a certain sorcerer, "Look!" They had reached the Museum District, and there stood the Museum of Mostly Natural History. "My car is behind my museum. Honestly I wish there were a better place to park i-"_

" _Oh for the love of me, would you stop prattling on and take her to it!" Dr. Norrington wished Papierwaite wouldn't ramble so often, he swore that man never shut up. Well, unless of course he got nervous in a conversation, but that was a whole other problem._

" _Yes, shutting up my master."_

 _Papierwaite ushered the soon to be mother to his car and opened the passenger door for her. He made sure the seat was far back enough for her to fit. After he helped situate her, he jogged to the other side and got in. The sorcerer turned the key to start the ignition. Nothing happened. He tried again. Still nothing. "Uhhh, there seems to be a bit of a problem with the key or something." Papierwaite didn't really know how cars work._

" _It's not the key blithering fool! Something is wrong with the car. Let me try-"_

" _No. I've got it!" The curator continued fiddling with the keys._

" _Stop messing with it you're going to break something!"_

 _The two fought for awhile until the car's engine emitted a starting noise, then just as suddenly, it stopped. "What in the name of H. P. Lovecraft is wrong with this thing!?" Papierwaite demanded. "I just bought it and already it stopped working!"_

 _Why on today of all days Sybil may never know, all she could do was try to hold on for as long as she needed. Satan will be ice skating in hell before she was going to have a child inside of this ridiculously tiny vehicle._

 _And just like that, the engine started. Interesting timing._

 _Zoom went the car at 80 mph down the streets of Manhattan, Papierwaite avoided as many vehicles as possible._

" _Papierwaite watch out for that old lady!" Dr. Norrington shouted._

 _The sorcerer swerved past the pedestrian on the crosswalk, she shook her fist at them menacingly. Sybil was breathing heavily as Dr. Norrington was trying to keep her calm. "We are almost there -Pandemik, don't fret." He said soothingly. Papierwaite on the other hand could barely keep it together, he was screeching cuss words in French everytime he almost hit someone. And that happened often. "Watch where you're driving hooligan!"_

" _You need to drive more carefully." Insisted the his master. "Maybe I should take the-"_

" _You will take nothing, don't distract me!" Talk about road rage._

 _The ride to the hospital mainly consisted of copious amounts of screaming, from both Sybil and Papierwaite, and too many close calls. Papierwaite wasn't necessarily the best driver in the world, especially in this case. The car screeched to a halt at one of the parking spaces. It wasn't the closest to the hospital entrance, but Papierwaite would be damned if he had to parallel park._

 _The sorcerer needed to conceal Dr. Norrington, he couldn't have any of the staff or Yog Soggoth forbid any of the patients going insane on top of Sybil's situation. When the elder god retreated back into his chest, he buttoned his shirt back up and adjusted his tie._

" _Excuse me." Sybil interrupted. "But while you're making sure your outfit is all nice and neat I'M GOING THROUGH LABOR!"_

" _Ah! Right sorry!" Papierwaite lept out of the vehicle and made his way over to the passenger side. He assisted the pregnant woman out of the car and walked her over to the hospital door. They were met with a nurse who intuitively knew what was going on. "Here let's get you to a room dear." The nurse guided her to a room nearby as Papierwaite followed closely behind. His eyes darted around the area, it was quite busy. But he supposed that made sense for a hospital. He heard mumbling and phones ringing from all over. As they approached the door the nurse took Papierwaite aside. "Lay down on the bed there dear, a doctor is coming!" He hollered to Sybil, he then turned his attention to the curator. "Sir, do you wish to be in there with your wife or remain out here?" He asked._

 _Papierwaite's eye twitched and he swallowed hard. "W-wife?" He asked with a slight quiver in his voice._

 _He tried again. "Sorry, girlfriend?"_

" _No, I'm not, I m-mean… Do I really look like….?" Papierwaite was completely flustered, he wasn't exactly sure how to respond._

" _Uh… yeah. Anyway, are you going to stay out here?"_

" _Just go in already you complete imbecile!" Spoke a voice only Papierwaite could hear. Papierwaite responded to the ominous sounding echo in his head. "Alright I'll go in!" He hissed, glaring at his own chest. The nurse felt very out of the loop._

 _For a moment, the sorcerer had almost forgotten about the nurse in front of him. "I'll just.. Go in." He expressed finally. The nurse held the door open for him, muttering something about how odd Papierwaite seemed._

 _Papierwaite stepped inside only to hear the shrieking sounds of the mother to be. He began to reconsider his choice to enter the room. "Uhh, perhaps this is a bad time?"_

" _Do not walk out that door Papierwaite!" Dr. Norrington warned him internally._

" _Right sorry." He wasn't exactly sure what to do in this type of situation, the curator felt beads of sweat collect on his forehead. He approached the howling woman, nervous that even the smallest attempt to interact would make matters worse. "Do you… need some water..?"_

" _I need to get this child out of me!" Sybil bellowed._

" _Aaaaah! I don't know how to do that!"_

" _You can't, that's the problem!"_

 _Papierwaite wasn't an expert on childbirth, far from in in fact. He needed to find a doctor. He ran to the door and flung it open. Papierwaite was able to spot the nurse he had previously spoken with. Marching his way over, he interrupted the nurse's conversation with a younger looking man, likely an assistant. "I'd hate to bother your oh so intriguing discussion but there is a pregnant woman in there that needs a doctor. So either seek one immediately or you will be facing a serious lawsuit due to your sheer incompetence!" The sorcerer spat. Shocked, the nurse nodded and hurried over to one of the nearest desks, where he asked around for a doctor. Dr. Norrington was surprised, he didn't expect this sort of boldness out of his host. He almost considered complimenting the curator's bravery, almost._

 _Papierwaite made his way back to the room and sat next to Sybil. "A doctor will be here soon. Just uh… keep breathing. Everything is going to be fine." He took her hand and gently squeezed it comfortingly. Allowing himself to show her a small smile. "I promise you that."_

 _Suddenly a woman in a white coat burst through the door, a few nurses stood behind her. "My apologies, there was a woman who needed a heart transplant and-"  
_ " _What are you doing standing there and blabbing? Do your job Doctor!" Papierwaite demanded._

 _The doctor nodded and ran over. "Right, we'll need to get you in a robe first." She turned to the curator. "Sir, you will need to step outside and let us professionals handle this." The nurses were setting up the area frantically._

" _Forget that I'm not leaving her!" He refrained from adding 'with you'. Papierwaite didn't trust these people, it's like they didn't know how to run a hospital. Leaving a woman actively going through labor without a doctor.. What were they, amateurs?_

" _Sir, if you don't leave we will have no choice but to force you out. Your wife will be fine."_

 _Sybil tilted her head toward Papierwaite and gave him a little nod, signaling him that she will be fine. The sorcerer gave a reluctant frown and spun on his heel and stomped out of the room. Just before he closed it, he peeked his head through the doorway. "And for the last time, she is not my wife!" He shouted just before slamming the door._

 _Hours passed. Papierwaite paced back and forth, occasionally jumping a little when Sybil screamed. A few times he yelped along with her, earning some bemused stares. One of the nurses slipped through the door, "Monsieur Papierwaite?"_

 _Papierwaite stopped, turning toward the nurse. "That is me."_

 _She scribbled something on her notepad. "You may come in now, your wi- ….. I mean Sybil has delivered successfully." She opened the door fully and held it for him._

 _As Papierwaite entered, he saw a smiling Sybil cradling her newborn baby. Anxiously, he walked closer and sat beside her._

" _Isn't she precious?" She asked him._

 _Papierwaite looked at the infant as she wriggled in Sybils arms, her pale grey-ish eyelids were closed, though not fully. Just enough for a small sliver of light to pass through. "I suppose some would think so." He wasn't quite sure what to make of the little tyke._

" _She's going to change the world some day, I just know it." Sybil whispered, planting a small kiss on her daughter's forehead._

" _What are you planning on naming her?"_

 _Sybil thought for a moment. Then, her eyes lit up. She had something. "Liberty. Her name will be Liberty." She grinned at Papierwaite. "Do you want to hold her?"_

" _I uh…" The curator wasn't quite sure how to answer. Throughout his whole life, one hundred and fifty years give or take, he had never once come into direct contact with an infant. "I don't think that's a good idea."_

" _Nonsense, here."_

 _Sybil gently placed the baby into Papierwaite's arms. He gazed at the newborn with an expression of mild uncertainty. It took a few minutes, but Liberty slowly began to open her eyes. When she did, a bright bubbly smile swept across her face._

Papierwaite looked down at the infant resting in his arms. She had fallen asleep as Sybil told the story.

"Do you know what that proves?" Sybil asked.

"What?" He inquired, genuinely curious.

"You're a lot more prepared than you think, Anton."


End file.
